Mancatcher
The night was still young as Grub carefully sat down on a slanted roof, opposite from the street lights. After his eyes readjusted to the dark, he secured his satchel on his legs and bandaged his gray arm before pulling out his journal. Using the attached pen, Grub drew a rough checkmark next to Black Hoof’s request. With a toothy smile he circled the reward he’d get after delivery. His clawed hand groped at his belt. He had three catch-bags left, three more humans to grab. His most important job done, Grub looked through his notes and dog-eared the next three largest requests:
The Lady that Laughs wants another attractive, unmarried male. She will pay double if he is traditionally artistic in some way.
The Duke of Dust will pay for any large humans delivered covertly to his castle. Two denarii per pound of fat.
Machinson Crafts wants a woman cashier, Cernunarii and possible store discounts dependent on the human’s skills.
Grub placed his journal back into his bottomless satchel and began checking his other equipment. He couldn’t afford anymore screwups tonight. His supply of slumber powder was running low, he had just run out of spider rope, and the rising costs of entering the human world was eating through his profits. One at a time, Grub pulled out three large enchanted sticks, each as long as his arm, carefully searching for any faults in their magic. Once he was satisfied, he placed them back inside his bag and balanced on the slanted rooftop. He muttered some words causing the egg-like gem on his belt to warm. His gray skin and baggy clothes became invisible to normal eyes and his movements became muted. Searching house to house would take too long, it would be faster to prowl the streets. So he silently jumped from roof to roof. A gas shop was a good place to start.
The first gas shop Grub visited, at the edge of the city, was worthless, but the second, near a main road, immediately paid off. Of the many cars that drove in and out, one not only parked in a dark spot to the side, but had an enormous man leave it. He weighed so much the car lurched as he waddled out. Grub could see him wheeze as he made the walk to the shop, his changeling could die in a day and no one would suspect he was taken. Grub watched the blob of a human disappear behind food shelves, reappearing arms full of candy. Unlike the first shop, the cashier was a young woman instead of an anxious old man. According to the fat man’s blubbering attempts to flirt with her, she should be attractive enough for the Machinsons, that’s what they really care about.
After the fat man exited the shop, Grub could see greasy stains along his sides. If a short walk exhausted him that much he must be hundreds of pounds of pure sugary fat. Grub followed along as he waddled back to his car. The man opened the passenger side of the car with a grunt, greasy sweat now staining the back of his shirt. As he bent over to place his bags of various sweets onto the seat, Grub had a clear view of the back of the car and clicked his magical boots, reappearing behind the driver seat.
Grub felt the car lurch when the blob of a human sat down. To Grub’s luck the fat human turned on the car’s light and music then began unwrapping a large container of cookies, seemingly uninterested in driving off. This meant Grub could grab him now, without having to return and possibly missing the cashier. As the man systematically leaned over to grab another sweet, his fat folds broke free from his shirt. It was almost like the man wanted to be snatched. Grub pulled out one of the magic sticks and pressed the flat end of it onto the man’s exposed flank. The moment it touched the skin Grub’s invisibility stopped. This would have been an issue if Grub was not roughly a third of the size of a fully grown human, making it difficult to see him from the rear view mirror. But in this case, Grub could have been as tall as an elf and the man still would have been too distracted by savoring every bite he took to notice someone hidden in his car. The stick’s magic worked quickly, copying the man’s memories, personality, and image to itself. Once it was done, Grub placed it on the crumb infested floor. The human still showed no interest in driving, so Grub pulled a face cloth over his pointed nose and toothy mouth before tossing a handful of slumber powder over the seat. The powder makes relaxed people, overwhelmingly sleepy, so Grub kept himself awake by focusing on the humorous irony of the grab, a candy loving human being taken to a dark candy maker, and making Grub a lot of money.
The fat man quickly drifted to a sugary dream and began to messily snore, each breath jiggling his fatty neck. Grub crawled over the sleeping beast and turned off the car’s light. Carefully he untied one of his catch-bags, which grew into a large sack, wide and long enough to fit most humans. But this was not most humans. After failing to bend both bloated legs into the sack, Grub decided to start with the head, and finally end the loud snoring and nauseating display. The catch-bags had a similar enchantment to Grub’s bottomless satchel, but sticking more than one human in each would be asking for trouble. The man’s blubbery head disappeared in the sack, followed slowly by one arm and half his upper torso. Despite the man’s impressive size and weight the catch-bag’s magic kept it from growing larger or getting heavier. Eventually the entire man had disappeared and it was time for him to be replaced.
Grub retrieved the magic stick from the floor and placed it on the driver’s seat before activating its magic. These were the smallest and cheapest changeling sticks money could buy, but their effect was no less extraordinary. The stick began to use its stored magic to create the form of the fat man. It grew and stretched to the man’s enormous proportions. Its hard wooden exterior, softened into flesh, and somehow produced a rough copy of the clothes the man had worn. Once the form was done, the stick gave the changeling the copied memories and personality of the snatched man. He would act and behave as normal, so no one would suspect that he was taken by the Fae. Only one thing was substantially different between a copied human and a changeling, changelings appear visibly ill. The purpose of changelings is to die while pretending to be the stolen human, so no one looks for them. Changelings are sustained by the magic in the changeling stick, the longer the stick, the more magic it has and the longer the changeling lives. But Grub’s stick had used up so much magic forming the man’s comedic body, the changeling skipped from ill, to deathly sick. Grub wasn’t overly worried, the man was so unhealthy, sudden death shouldn’t be too surprising. Before the changeling awoke, Grub placed the enlarged catch-bag into his satchel and snuck out the passenger side door. Whispering the magic words, Grub once again became invisible. He waited until a human opened the gas shop door before entering. The woman cashier was still behind the desk. The shop was too busy and unpredictable, so he couldn’t grab her yet, he would have to be patient and follow her home.
The mechanical clock on the wall had both whiskers on 12 when the woman finally got off her shift. Grub had grown bored and wandered behind customers as he kept an eye on the woman. None of them appeared particularly artistic. The store’s random hot and cold air was annoying and Grub wondered if he unfairly judged the fat man and if he was sweating through his invisible, baggy clothes. But it was finally time to leave, and Grub dropped his line of thought. He followed the human to her car, and clicked his heels when he saw an opening to hide in her backseat. The woman was what humans call a young adult. She had told an old woman customer that she is in college studying for something or other that had a lot of reading. No one complained that she gave them the wrong amount of money back, and she knew where things in the store were when asked. Just from being near her, she should make a much better cashier than one of the hideous and grouchy dwarf brothers. She took a few moments to do something with her pocket electric thing, but Grub was too close and the magic from his invisibility messed with it. She mildly cursed then started the car. As she turned out of the gas shop, Grub noticed the fat man’s car was gone.
She stopped outside a tall, bland apartment building. Grub followed her inside and onto an elevator that luckily his magic was not strong enough to mess with. When they got out on floor four, Grub could smell the sharp burning smell of wet human paint coming from one of the nearby rooms.
The woman’s home was moderately decorated. Fake plants in the corners, pictures of hideous cats and bland humans on the walls, some electric things here and there. Grub didn’t know what everything was, but he had a chance to explore the house when the woman decided to bathe. Thankfully, he smelled and found no cats or dogs in her apartment. There were signs that roommates also lived here, but only one of the four beds seemed to have been used recently. Grub checked his dwindling slumber powder pouch and decided it was safe enough to wait for her to go to sleep before grabbing her. Despite her being larger, he would have the advantages of surprise, experience, and magic. As long as she doesn’t alert any neighbors, he should be fine.
Once the woman was done bathing, she went to bed and started messing with her pocket electric device. Grub was about to get closer, so his magic would mess with it, when she finally put it away. After another wait, Grub decided it was safe enough to start. One of her legs was exposed, and her sleep seemed steady. Grub sat his invisible satchel down, and felt around until he found a changeling stick. He held the two pronged side towards himself, and pressed the flat end to her leg. Immediately when it touched something alive, the invisibility ended. The sudden touch did not wake her. Once the changeling stick was done copying everything, Grub placed it under the bed, so it would be safe in case things went bad. While the woman slept peacefully, Grub untied his second to last catch-bag. He placed it near her head before starting the riskiest part of the grab. The blanket was slowly inched away from her without issue, it would be awkward if her changeling did not have a blanket, and possibly a clue if an investigator noticed its absence. Carefully, Grub stood on the bed, trying to not wake her as he stepped closer and loomed over her. He leaned down to pick up the sack, and smelled the fruity aroma she used on her hair while she bathed. He looked at her peaceful face, and in a quick motion engulfed her head in the sack. Sleep powder is useful, since it puts victims in a magical sleep that does not allow the user to wake up for a decent amount of time. But he had decided to save money and not use sleep powder, so the woman immediately woke up, her body thrashing in panic.
Her head was completely in the bag, so if she was screaming it made no noise. Grub put his weight on her chest, so she wouldn’t roll off the bed, and managed to quickly bag her shoulders then one arm after the other. It was difficult to escape a catch-bag if you knew what you were doing, for a human that didn’t even know magic existed it was basically impossible. Though she made a valiant effort, and kicked Grub with annoying precision and force. Grub hoped the dwarves would appreciate that he didn’t claw her to speed up the process. She was placed into his satchel, and the changeling stick activated in her bed. His chest, and face ached from her kicks. Luckily it didn’t give him a bloody nose or cut his lip against his teeth. He didn’t have the supplies to clean up Fae blood.
After exiting the woman’s apartment through her key hole, Grub figured out which door was leaking the stinking paint smell. Jumping through their key hole, revealed an apartment very much like the woman’s. More and larger fake plants were in the corners, pictures of family were on the wall, in between hand painted paintings, and various human electric things were around. Despite no lights being on, Grub could see fine in the dark once his eyes adjusted. On closer inspection, Grub noticed that the hung photos were all of family members around a boy, who progressive grew up. There were no solo photos with women or him with kids, so he was either not married or in the process of becoming unmarried. In the middle of the dining table there was a strange metal vase of an upwards facing fish that probably would have had flowers in its mouth if it was owned by a woman.
The floorplan was the same as the woman’s, so Grub checked only the rooms that had beds in the woman’s apartment. The first was the man’s painting room. It gave everything past the hallway an overpowering smell of wet paint that burnt Grub’s nose. All he saw before closing the door was a half done painting of a landscape, he was definitely artsy. Hopefully the Lady that Laughs likes him, because Grub was too tired to find someone else. The second room was a display room of paintings that Grub was uninterested in. The third room was a dusty guest room, which meant he was sleeping in the fourth room. Quietly, Grub opened the door and saw a single mound on the bed. Getting closer, Grub could tell it was obviously a man. Too tired and sore for another struggle, Grub decided to use slumber powder to ensure he did not wake up. Grub thought of the money he would make and new things he would buy when a high pitched yelp pulled him from his thoughts.
On the other side of the man, a large cat jumped up, scared by the powder and yelped. Immediately the man woke in a panic, further scaring the cat which tried to escape the room and ran directly into Grub, removing his invisibility. Terrified, then seeing Grub’s ugly gray face and pointed ears suddenly from nowhere, the cat attacked. It hissed and clawed at Grub while he hissed at it and tried to toss it away. Suddenly there was a loud bang and flash in the room, as the man yelled, “Get away from my cat!”. The bullet had gone wide and entered the door. Grub didn’t take the time to decide, if that was a warning shot, or he missed because of the dark, or to not hit his cat. He clicked his boots and appeared as far down the hall as he could see. There was more yelling from the man’s room, and its lights were turned on. Grub quickly muttered the words needed to become invisible, and got as high up on the dining table as he could. The cat was in a panic, and it immediately understood Grub was a threat. It ran around the apartment looking for him, but the overwhelming smell of paint hid him from it, like the paint initially hid it from him.
Grub knew what a gun was, and he knew that his best chance of surviving was not being seen. The man entered with the gun held in one fist. He was not wearing clothes other than underwear, and went straight to turn on the lights. The sudden brightness blinded Grub, but he fought the urge to groan or hiss. Thinking fast, Grub knew he didn’t have the equipment to fight, and that the noise would bring more people. He either had to grab the man fast and dirty or run away. Thinking and looking around the room for a weapon, he saw the metal fish vase and grabbed it. It immediately became invisible as he held it and willingly channeled magic into it. The man was checking behind the furniture systematically looking for his attacker. Grub was about head level with him as long as he stood on the table. One hit to the head should take the human down, the issue was getting him close. It was too risky to take off and loudly unzip his satchel to find something, so Grub reached into his coin purse on his belt and took out a Cernunarii.
He could feel the outline of the horned hooded man on one side and the woman’s face on the other. He threw the coin into the nearest corner, so it would make as much noise as possible. If the man was paying close attention he might have seen the coin become visible as it left Grub’s hand, and know where Grub was, but he was too busy checking the small kitchen to notice. As soon as the coin started making noise, the man stood up and shot at the location with surprising accuracy. When he cautiously approached to get a closer look, Grub hit him in the back of the head with as much force as possible. The metal fish dented from the impact and the man was knocked unconscious. His cat immediately ran to his side and saw the now visible Grub.
It lunged at him with protective fury. Grub’s boots were still recharging so he couldn’t escape the way he had before. He jumped off the table and ran towards the nearest door, the art studio. The cat followed, angrily yowling for his blood. If Grub had time he might eat the cat to show it its proper place in the world, but human city guards were likely on their way. Grub stalled for time, leading the cat in circles around the room, tipping paint, grabbing shelves, anything he could do to buy time for his boots. He got scratched badly during the chase, the cat progressively getting closer and closer, but the spilled paint should hide any evidence of Fae blood and his boots were finally ready. Running as far away from the door as possible, Grub quickly turned and saw the blood-thirsty cat leap at him. Suddenly his perspective changed and he stood in the doorway, slamming the door on the confused cat.
A quick glance towards the dining table showed the man was still unconscious. Grub quickly bandaged any open cuts and jabbed his last changeling stick into the man’s side. Once it was done he activated the stick and threw it across the room to form. Any memories of Fae are automatically changed to something else for changelings, but it was still risky to do. Grub undid his last catch bag and began shoving the man into it, kicking his gun into the kitchen. The cat’s defeated cries filled the apartment, Grub had barred the door with a chair and fake plants.
Once the man was secured he was thrown into the satchel. Grub’s mind began to race thinking what to do next. He had to make it look like a human robbery, to throw off the guard. So Grub grabbed the most valuable things he saw. He grabbed the metal fish, the man’s pocket electric thing, and all his utensils. Everything was hastily thrown into his satchel and now Grub had to escape. He threw a chair out the nearest window so the city guard would think the human thief escaped through it. Then he muttered the spell to become invisible and escaped through the apartment door’s keyhole. Certain he did not forget anything, Grub ran down the stairs until he reached the bottom. Blue uniformed city guards entered the stairwell, and Grub heard their muffled car sirens outside. Grub timed his escape carefully, clicking his boots to appear outside the front doors when they were next opened. Once outside, Grub fled. He ran until he couldn’t hear the car sirens anymore, then climbed as high up as he could. He summoned a portal that would take him to the nearest Fae Kingdom. From there he could travel back home. Prices to the human world would increase again for a while. But with his four catches he should be able to live comfortably until things calm down. With one last glance at the human world, the Fae’s rightful world, Grub stepped into the portal which disappeared behind him.
